Enjoy
It seems that some people still can’t leave their troubles behind when they go to a new place. Maybe it’s just me, whose problems were all solved when I left for this big, new city. I now choose my own problems, and live my own life. I can walk outside my front door, into the blindingly bright day whenever I want. If I wanted to, I can now find someone to go exploring with at night. There are all these ungrasped strings hanging above me, and I am free to pick and choose the ones I want.
It’s also possible that I am simply running away from any problems I have, stuffing them deep into my psych so that I can run freely after those things that I now value, that I now want and enjoy.
Essay
It’s 11:22pm and I have written my introduction paragraph for my essay due tomorrow! The funny thing is, I’m okay with it. In college you learn that you don’t really need to put all that effort into writing. All those rough drafts you wrote in high school? A total waste of time. I write for 5 hours straight a night before and I get the same grade I would have gotten if I had written a rough draft and edited it heavily. The initial substance is the same, and the rewriting boosts your grade by a max of a couple percentage points. So 5 more hours of editing for maybe 3%. Granted, that could change your grade from a B+ to an A.
It’s okay.
All packaged up
I sometimes wish that my life could be as neatly packaged as an international trade model, with all the little sections labeled a through e after an import quota, and neat little lists of the consumer surplus, producer surplus, government revenue, and net effect upon my life.
Sometimes the net welfare effect would be unequivocally negative, sometimes positive, but most of the time ambiguous depending on the size of the production/consumption distortions of life.
Rushing
College is finite, but work isn’t.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m in such a big hurry to work so hard, when I’m going to graduate and no matter what, I’ll be working. Whether it’s at a great or a not-so-great company, the lifestyle will be something of the same - no more tests, no more school, no more living in an area densely populated with college students.
It’s hard to remember that, when all around me everybody is rushing, rushing, rushing to start their lives. Sometimes I get swept up in the franticness, worrying about doing an internship + club + 4 classes + social life and having no time in between. Keeping myself busy at every moment of every day.
Ever since I stopped pledging I’ve realized more and more that somewhere along the way of trying to do everything, I started to accomplish nothing. I was making decisions without really thinking them through, and instead getting caught up in the mindless thinking of a sheep who thinks they’re going in the right direction because they’re part of a moving flock.
I’m not saying that the direction I was moving in was a bad one; I’m still going in that direction, but at a slower pace now. I always figured that I would work myself to death for the 3 years until senior year, and then take senior year easy. I’ve come to realize that my ambitions and major requirements are too much for me to really be able to take it easy though.
At the end of the day, I’m starting to download tutorials again, and do things for myself again, so that’s a nice change. Throwback to the summer of 08.
On Halloween
Halloween… when you’re a kid, you look forward to this one day of dressing up and getting tons of candy. When you’re in college, it becomes an entire weekend of this. It’s like your childhood dreams on crack.
